i've been screwing up times and dates lately. last saturday i was supposed to go to this wine and food gala at some hotel (see i can't even remember the name of the hotel) and i thought it was on sunday. i didn't realize my mistake till early in the evening and the event was almost over so i couldn't even rush to it. strange i've been so good keeping appointments before. i've rarely ever written schedules down, i've just always managed to keep them. its not even just appointments. i've been getting my classes mixed up too. it must be my mind being so preoccupied. or maybe because i haven't been sleeping lately, and when i sleep i have the most intense dreams. not good dreams but the ones you want to jolt yourself awake. lately my dreams have been about someone coming in and stealing my laptop and all my research papers stored in it. i keep having this dream, that i've been taking my laptop when i leave my house for a long period of time. i know border line paranoia. but you wouldn't think that if you know where i live. my neighbourhood is not cool at all, actually more precisely my landlord sucks. seriously, my place looks like a squalor. the hallways haven't been mopped since we moved here, that's about 4 months ago...there's garbage all over the hallways and parking lot, and some crazy person feeds the pigeons and crows every morning by throwing food on top of the garbage heap...arrrrgghh!! doesn't that make you want to come visit me...i should write all my friends each a letter and the headline will read, "come for a visit where wildlife battles it out everymorning right in front of her bird shit stained window."
another thing that's been on my mind lately is this girl i met on the bus. i was on my way home from school and i was just sitting there when i noticed this pervert who sat so close to me on a previous occasion. listen how creepy he was... i fell asleep on the bus, which wasn't that too unusual since my bus ride from UBC to home is about 45 mins. i woke up because i felt someone's skin against mine. let me just say when i sleep on the bus, my body is so close to the glass/window creating an extra 5-7cm space to further separate myself to the next person who might take the seat next to me. so when i woke up, i was shocked to see this middle aged fat man's body touching mine. he was wearing shorts and i could see the fat of his tigh spilling on my lap. instantly, i made eye contact, and he said, "you were sleeping." what's me sleeping got to do with you invading my space was the first thing that entered my head. i didn't even say anything, i was so repulsed that i got up and relocated to the back of the bus. and then, the creep sat beside another student who was also sleeping, she too got up. anyhow, i was on my way home, and this time the bus was packed. a girl was sitting beside me. i was in the inside seat and she had the isle seat. i turned around and i saw this fat man, the same fat man that takes advantage of sleeping students on the bus, hovering over the girl who was sitting beside me. so i said something to the girl. i said it in tagalog as i thought she was a sister. sure enough she was and she swung her shouders away from the creep. the next thing i knew, her and i were talking. the thing was that, it was unlike all other conversations i've ever had with anyone i just met. we skipped the shallow conversation and she just told me her life story. she wasn't pushy or needy or attention seeking. when my stop came, she also got off. she told me where she lived and i showed her my place. just before we parted she placed her hand on my elbow and she held on to me for awhile. i wanted to invite her up, give her my number but i didn't extend myself out to her. i haven't met anyone that lonely before. and i've been thinking about her and her situation over and over...and i wish i had done things differently. this was one time in my life where i could have given someone a part of me and i didn't... not that she asked for it, just i thought it was and is the right thing to do.
I woke up to find that the outside world was covered in a thin blanket of snow. I was so excited that I grabbed my camera and went exploring. To my chagrin, I found the city empty. Even the kids that were usually out playing even in the rain were no show. I did find three people. The lady was walking so cautious that she didn't even notice me and the two people shoveling the snow thought I was odd. I felt like screaming, "Come out and play!"
