unpacking

My movie dates cancelled on me (thanks Anya and Mark :) Actually it's a good thing, I'm finally reading Salman Rushdie's Shalimar the Clown and sorting out things that I hastily threw in my closet four months ago. I found my two missing memory cards and students' letters. The letters are hilarious and sweet.

painting 101

I spent the whole afternoon painting. I had no clue that painting is so much fun. This wall is not finish. I want to add some bluish gray streaks in the middle, or maybe rust color droplets. Can't wait for the paint store to open tomorrow. What do you think?

change change change

I’m worried about my relations with my friends, more precisely the stages that will soon come. It’s nothing personal against them. I love every one of them. It’s just I’ve seen this stage before. Time moves and we all change with it. Years ago I watched my friends get married, buy houses and have children. I ran from this. I told them not to make my wedding dress I was too young to marry yet. I wanted a different life away from Winnipeg. I felt reborn when I moved away. Yes, the whole world opened its door and different perspectives were shown to me. I attained new friends and said goodbye to the old. But the world turns and turns. And here I am at this stage again. People are moving forward. My friends’ lives are unfolding, as they should, but I’m stagnant. I feel gentle nudges from all directions. Actually, I’ve been feeling them for awhile. I also feel static and bloated. The wind of change is here and I need to learn what to do with it.

Once a upon a time in a land of 38th and Victoria, a woman who is adept at doing almost anything had a thought 48 hours before her finals--give her blog a new face. Inspired by a blog she saw from not so distant past, this savy woman ventured into an unfamiliar territory. "There's nothing to it," she said. "I can do anything." Humble she is not. So 47 hours before her finals she began her task. It wasn't very long till she finds herself in a land of encoded messages. She scoffed, "My knight and shining Help button will keep me safe from harm." She summoned Help with the magical tip of her index finger. She typed her request and promptly Help prescribed his guidance. Armed, she marched ahead. Proud of her self and her new design she uttered,"I'm brilliant" before she could even see what she had done. Convinced of her achievement she went to the kitchen and brewed some tea, she even awarded herself with the gooeyiest frozen brownie. All the while she thought of John Adams and all the Founders who surely would appear in her American history exam. She opened her book and dove back to the world of the dirty south, and still not checking her blog. Then 40 hours before her first exam she longed to speak to her friends. She opened MSN but it would not appear. Puzzled she called Help again. As always Help had many suggestions which she followed but none would allow entrance to the magical palace where her friends reside. "I should focus," she said and return to the Civil War, but before that she allowed herself 5 minutes to check her small community of bloggers to see a glimpse of their lives. She felt comfort and sadness upon reading their blogs. She wished to be in their presence rather than spend time with Hamilton and his economic woes. "In time, in time," she sighed. The minutes turned to hours, "But oh I have not seen the changes I made on my blog," so another 5 minutes was added to the clock . Excited she opened her blog but alas there was nothing to be found. "What have I done," she yelled.

[really don't know what i did, will fix it after my exams... i think my computer is broken...very sad...]

yes, my computer was broken. it had 211 system errors in it. thank goodness for the computer lab boy that cleaned my computer. when did computer guys become hot? a whole untapped resource....

on racism

Ariel and I encountered a crazy man on the bus while we were on our way to our top model party. We were dressed up and because of our peculiar hairdos people did a double look but this crazy dude thought we were evil rich people that deserved his anger. His first insult at us was that we were anorexics, and then we became fat cows, he commented on Ariel’s blue coat; he thought that Ariel spent tons of money on it and he proceeded to say, “Why don’t you shop at Value Village?” Implying that she was too good for Value Village, but the ironic thing was that Ariel’s coat was from a thrift store. And then just before he got off the bus he said, “If I had my way I’d ship all those Asians back.” I realized that this dude was nuts and I did feel a tad sorry for him, but I’ve encountered this type of anger so many times that it sticks. I should shrug it off…but I’m marked by it. The weird thing about racism is that it projects people’s inadequacies and failures. Instead of stepping up their game and facing their weaknesses, they turn around and dump all their frustration on people who are different or don’t share their views. This incident just reminded me of all the times that I’ve been the receiver of peoples ignorance. Like the time I was a hairdresser, this elderly woman said to me, “Oh you people make great maids”….when I was sitting on the beach in Thailand a drunken young guy asked me, “How much?”….or a Japanese person telling me that, “We were worried that you would look like a Filipina…well you do, but you’re different, you’re Philippine-Canadian”….or a drunk salaryman soliciting sex because my face represents the billion yen sex industry…The thing is as much as I hate this bigotry, I don’t hate it nearly as I hate prejudice from my own people.... “What? You think you’re white now?”….. “You think you’re better than us?”…. “Brown [Pinoy] boys don’t do it for you”…Morons!!! There’s nothing more that will please me than to find a Pinoy that I can connect with, and speak my native tongue. But being Filipino is not the only thing I look for when I date a guy…I will not date anyone just because we share the same origin. And no I don’t think I’m white. I’m brown and I’m beautiful. Similar to other displaced people living in Canada, in that I long for my country and my home, to speak a language I still dream in, but like others, I refuse to be pegged or to be limited to a certain ethno-social circle.
I am here! If my presence makes you feel uncomfortable—I’m not going to go away. If I don’t fit within the boundary your mind drew of what a Filipino is….WAKE-UP!!!

Top Model

Last night was the season finale of top model. It was the perfect occasion to strut our hotness, check it out at Ariel's blog www.arielkg.blogspot.com

I also want to give a shout out to Asuka and Sara. Happy Birthday!!!! And Sara...way the go for getting a grown up job, and what a grown up job it is Ms. Project Co-ordinator. Bulgaria is so lucky to have you.

First snow

I woke up to find that the outside world was covered in a thin blanket of snow. I was so excited that I grabbed my camera and went exploring. To my chagrin, I found the city empty. Even the kids that were usually out playing even in the rain were no show. I did find three people. The lady was walking so cautious that she didn't even notice me and the two people shoveling the snow thought I was odd. I felt like screaming, "Come out and play!"

ohh, if anyone can teach me how to rotate the image on my blog it will be much appreciated.

Rewind...Geret's Wedding

This August one of my closest friends got married to a wonderful man. I was so lucky to be part of their special day. They are going to Paris for their honeymoon this December. Baby you did well!!! Oooh...by the way Robb, I love the new look. It's sooo hot!!!

i've been screwing up times and dates lately. last saturday i was supposed to go to this wine and food gala at some hotel (see i can't even remember the name of the hotel) and i thought it was on sunday. i didn't realize my mistake till early in the evening and the event was almost over so i couldn't even rush to it. strange i've been so good keeping appointments before. i've rarely ever written schedules down, i've just always managed to keep them. its not even just appointments. i've been getting my classes mixed up too. it must be my mind being so preoccupied. or maybe because i haven't been sleeping lately, and when i sleep i have the most intense dreams. not good dreams but the ones you want to jolt yourself awake. lately my dreams have been about someone coming in and stealing my laptop and all my research papers stored in it. i keep having this dream, that i've been taking my laptop when i leave my house for a long period of time. i know border line paranoia. but you wouldn't think that if you know where i live. my neighbourhood is not cool at all, actually more precisely my landlord sucks. seriously, my place looks like a squalor. the hallways haven't been mopped since we moved here, that's about 4 months ago...there's garbage all over the hallways and parking lot, and some crazy person feeds the pigeons and crows every morning by throwing food on top of the garbage heap...arrrrgghh!! doesn't that make you want to come visit me...i should write all my friends each a letter and the headline will read, "come for a visit where wildlife battles it out everymorning right in front of her bird shit stained window."
another thing that's been on my mind lately is this girl i met on the bus. i was on my way home from school and i was just sitting there when i noticed this pervert who sat so close to me on a previous occasion. listen how creepy he was... i fell asleep on the bus, which wasn't that too unusual since my bus ride from UBC to home is about 45 mins. i woke up because i felt someone's skin against mine. let me just say when i sleep on the bus, my body is so close to the glass/window creating an extra 5-7cm space to further separate myself to the next person who might take the seat next to me. so when i woke up, i was shocked to see this middle aged fat man's body touching mine. he was wearing shorts and i could see the fat of his tigh spilling on my lap. instantly, i made eye contact, and he said, "you were sleeping." what's me sleeping got to do with you invading my space was the first thing that entered my head. i didn't even say anything, i was so repulsed that i got up and relocated to the back of the bus. and then, the creep sat beside another student who was also sleeping, she too got up. anyhow, i was on my way home, and this time the bus was packed. a girl was sitting beside me. i was in the inside seat and she had the isle seat. i turned around and i saw this fat man, the same fat man that takes advantage of sleeping students on the bus, hovering over the girl who was sitting beside me. so i said something to the girl. i said it in tagalog as i thought she was a sister. sure enough she was and she swung her shouders away from the creep. the next thing i knew, her and i were talking. the thing was that, it was unlike all other conversations i've ever had with anyone i just met. we skipped the shallow conversation and she just told me her life story. she wasn't pushy or needy or attention seeking. when my stop came, she also got off. she told me where she lived and i showed her my place. just before we parted she placed her hand on my elbow and she held on to me for awhile. i wanted to invite her up, give her my number but i didn't extend myself out to her. i haven't met anyone that lonely before. and i've been thinking about her and her situation over and over...and i wish i had done things differently. this was one time in my life where i could have given someone a part of me and i didn't... not that she asked for it, just i thought it was and is the right thing to do.

surprise birthday party

Last Tuesday was my birthday. And parts of the day Ariel and Jen were horrible to me. Jen told me she couldn't have dinner as she had to work. While Ariel dismissed my invitations to go out and celebrate. At six o'clock, I finally gave up and opened my textbook, I was ready to spend the night at home readingTitus. I thought it was a fitting text to teach me about vengeance and violence. I was just learning about Tamara's plot to bring Titus's vanished eldest son back to Rome when Ariel arrived at my house. I was pleased. I really didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be one of those needy people that goes on a date (people Anya has told me about) with a stranger on their birthday because they have no friends to take them out. Nor did I really want to read Shakespeare's most violent play. I was such a perfect victim for I didn't suspect anything eventhough numerous blunders were done by Ariel and Jen. Ariel suggested this restaurant on Commercial Drive, I was so pleased that I said yes. It was funny because while we were at my house, Ariel dropped a hint, "Oh, are you wearing anything cool underneath your vest? You know how restaurants get so hot sometimes." Of course, I was clueless, and craved company that nothing she said really registered.

We took the bus to Bukowski's Bar and Bistro. And when we got there, all these beautiful people were waiting for me. It was amazing to see everyone. I was so happy! After dinner, Ariel, Jen, and Richard took me to Desire. Mark was so gracious to give us a ride. One of two hot men that gave us a ride that evening. My birthday was amazing largely due to Ariel and Jen's effort to bring all my friends in Vancouver together.

So yeah, I'm 32 and it feels good. The other day I stayed in bed till 9 in the morning. I laid there examining my body. The weirdest thing, other than my softer rounder belly (which is the result of long hours trapped behind my desk), nothing really shows my age other than my hands. My hands reveal different parts of my life. When I was seven, my sister was chasing me up the stairs and I got a sliver on my right index finger. I remember my sister with a tweezer in her hand trying to remove every single particle out, but there was one piece that was lodged so deep that we both gave up. And that piece of wood is still here to bring me back to that time in our old house on Tramo Street. My left hand ring finger has a scar the shape of a crescent moon from the time I sliced my finger using another hairstylist's chunking shears. It was the height of Rachel Green's hair sensation, and every third client that sat on my chair requested the Aniston look. I was so bored with the damned haircut that I experimented with different types of blades to achieve the same style. Those are only two scars amongst many. The numerous scars on my hands capture different moments in my life. As I age, they become an elaborate map of places where I had been and of people I shared time with.

final goodbye party

Flute girls


1B students
my noisiest class
1H
my favorite students
hard at work

School Festival